SEX UNDER THE INFLUENCE

I’m not sure if I'll ever reach a point in my life where I would say I am sexually confident, but I am a lot more sexually confident that I was when I was younger, and I think that’s a huge step for me, as it is for many. 

I’ve been fortunate enough to have had some amazing experiences

Where intimacy and consent is clear, where bodies and fantasies are respected and things are safe. It wasn’t always this way, Growing up I had no confidence.

Adolescence was a time where no one spoke about sex, or adults would simple say ABSTAIN. Sex education was not fit for purpose. Did I have any real knowledge about mine and other’s bodies, how it worked, what would happen? ABSOLUTELY NOT. 

As the first sexual experiences came, so did the discomfort. It wasn’t like the movies. It was messy, it was confusing, what were the rules? Why did bodies do what they did?

But, as the years went by, I started having better sexual experiences. The kind where you really connect. Where you feel safe. You start to know who you are, what you like, who you feel that you can explore with it.

However, for me, like for many people, gaining those better experiences didn’t come with sobriety. Different people, from all sorts of locations and situations, but one thing was often present, at least with that first sexual encounter with someone new.

Sex was often had under the influence. Substances - Be it alcohol, or something stronger. 

Sexual encounters would come often as the final chapter of a crazy night, a house party or after a flirtatious date where drinks were consumed.

Substances, firstly, enhanced the socialising experience which enhanced the connection I had that sometimes that leads to sex. Not only did it offer more connection with others BUT it took away personal blocks that I had, be it performance anxiety, self consciousness, or general confidence. 

New confidence led to new exploration, sober or not. An opportunity for fantasies to be more entertained, and held. Less awkwardness. 

Looking back I am grateful for those experiences and substances as they allowed me at times, to more easily connect,  speak my desires as well as say OOWWH THANKS BUT THAT’S NOT FOR ME. 

HOWEVER, this is the happier sexually fulfilled side to the story, but there are lots of risks.

When you’re both on a substance, on a date, how do you know who’s more effected? You may drink the same amount but it’s almost certainly going to impact you differently. How does consent actually get worked out when you’re under the influence?

You can say things, but it’s up in the air about whether it’s what you would actually be saying or doing totally sober. You could argue due to a substances effect, it just wouldn’t be.

Many people use drugs when they are having sex. It’s more common than we all might like to admit. It can help us relax, be more chatty, be more brave to make that first move, but again it is something that comes with risk. 

When we think of sex and drugs, our minds may go to crazy orgies at a massive party, or chemsex. But sex under the influence can be subtle,  only after one drink. 

I have a feeling that drugs, whether they’re illegal or not, are going to be around for the long term. I also feel that sex is also going to be something people will continue to explore and enjoy. So I imagine sex and drugs are going to get together for many people too, in the years to come. 

But just as I'm on a journey of bringing drugs education to people, and knowing the joys and harms that come with drugs, it’s also a time to reflect on how substances interact with sex. 

Can we have more open conversations with our partners about our drug use? Especially if having sex may be on the cards. Shall we hold off for a bit? Shall we do this again when we’re not on something.

Can we speak with our friends and lovers more frankly, about our desires and concerns, so that drugs don’t have to do the work for us. 

Maybe we should have a pause and think about are drug use, and if we are using it to try and connect to have sex. 

Some things to consider, when it comes to Drugs and Sex.

Whenever a small amount has been taken, it impacts our capacity to make decisions, whatever the drug. Have a discussion with your partner about what you’ve taken, assess if it is the right time for sex, and agree to end the session if it does not feel right

Some Substances can increase our sexual desire, but they also can have an impact on our ability to perform - Beer Penis, Pilly Willy, Difficulty Orgasming.  

If you’re taking any drugs with your partner, really assess whether you’re attempting get that person or yourself more intoxicated before sex, have a pause, what is that about.

In that moment you maybe being honest about what you want to do sexually, but in the morning it maybe a different story. 

During foreplay did anyone talk about their sexual history,  probably not, you're already feeling connected and trusting on a substance, it feels like you've known your sexual partner a 100 years, remember though that's a feeling and not the reality. 

High and horny, sure, just be safe while you're at it.